Guys, life is kicking my freaking butt right now. Things are not going so well for me. My classes are way harder than they have been in past years. I have long dance rehearsals close to everyday. My planner, which usually helps keep me calm, is filled with so many different colors and lists of things to. Just taking a glance at it stresses me out. I feel like I haven't had time to breathe, and I feel like I'm mindlessly powering through from one thing to the next. Sometimes I'll lie down in bed at the end of the day and realize it's the first time I've really breathed all day. I'm just being kicked around without really knowing what's going on and I feel totally lost.
It all boils down to the feeling that I'm not good enough. After I accomplish anything, I realize that there's still a million things left to do. Or I'll do something right but I end up doing something else wrong. Even when I finish one thing, I still have a million other things I should be doing. I've been constantly feeling beaten down and I don't feel okay.
I'm probably blowing this way out of proportion, but the point of me saying all this stuff is to remind you that it's okay to not be okay. A couple nights ago I was showering late at night and listening to some sad music. I ended up sitting down in my bath tub while listening to When I Look At You by Miley Cyrus and just bawling my eyes out. It was such a needed cry.
I'm a strong believer that crying is good. A lot of times I have a ton of stress that constantly builds up in me, and eventually I snap and let out all the emotions from the past few weeks. It always feels good to cry, because even if I'm sad, or angry, or frustrated, at least I'm letting those emotions out.
So anyways, I was sitting in my shower, crying, and realizing that it was okay to be broken and breaking down. A lot of times I feel like I have this reputation to uphold. I feel like it's unfair if I complain all the time when I run a blog about happiness and positivity. I always end up feeling hypocritical when I'm not feeling my best.
But I've realized that the brokenness is part of the process. I can't be happy 100% all of the time, and neither can you. And while I should definitely complain less, I don't need to hide my feelings to hold up this reputation of being positive and happy all the time when it's not how I really feel.
I've also learned that a bad day doesn't mean it's a bad life. Some days are just bad. Sometimes things just suck and you just need to complain through it because that's the only way you can get through it. And that's okay. Not everyday has to be absolutely perfect and positive, and some days don't even have to be halfway decent. Just remember that there will be plenty of lovely days for each bad one. Although you don't have to pretend everything is great, just make sure your head hits the pillow at the end of the day remembering how lucky you are to have this life.
I've gone off on so many tangents , but here's the main point: life doesn't have to be perfect all the time. it's okay to breakdown. cry in the shower. you don't have to pretend to be okay when you aren't. life is tough, but for every tough moment, there's a million beautiful ones. being broken and breaking down are beautiful and needed.
I created a playlist that I'll share with you for when things are rough and you need a good cry, but I also suggest that you guys create your own with your own songs that make you emotional. Or search in Pinterest "songs to cry to" or something like that. Crying is so good and so needed. I hope you guys have a fabulous week, but if ends up not being so great, remember that it's still such a good life to be living in, and make sure you make the most of it.
Thank you so much for reading!! See ya later! <3