support > reassurance

tonight was one of those nights where you cry in the shower about everything that went wrong today that transitions you into clouding your thoughts with every mistake and insecurity you've ever had while leaning your head against the wall of the shower.

fun, right?

after a hot shower, my favorite oversized t-shirt and sweats, a warm lemon water, and a rant to my boyfriend about everything that was stressing me out and causing me to feel insecure, i had a lot more clarity.

as i was texting david (the aforementioned boyfriend) about my insecurities and what i needed to do to make them better, he was super supportive.  he told me i was great just the way i was, but he also told me that he would support me with whatever i wanted to do to feel better.

i think the world needs a whole lot more of that. i think we spend a lot of time reassuring people of their insecurities and not enough time supporting them through them.

because the thing is, the reassuring doesn't go very far. no one ever talks about their insecurity, is told by their friends that they have no reason to be insecure and then walks away saying, "wow, they're right." it would make our lives a whole lot easier if that's how it happened, but that's not reality.

let's take the classic example. you look in the mirror, and after saying "i'm so fat," you hear 12 girls scream in unison, "YOU'RE NOT FAT!" but them telling you that doesn't really take away the feeling of being uncomfortable with your body in the moment. if we're being honest "fat" is more of a feeling than a body type. i hate to say "fat" because it carries a negative connotation, but it's the  best example. i can feel "fat" no matter what the scale says. it's got nothing to do with what i look like, but how i feel. point is, insecurity is about perception, not actuality. the most beautiful people (a.k.a YOU) can still look in the mirror and find something to criticize. the best athletes will still break down the perfect play and see where they could have been better. you get the point. the world's image of our beautiful selves isn't really relevant if we don't see ourselves in a positive light. our scrutinizing thoughts about ourselves outweigh any positive opinion the world could give us.

a lot of times that feeling of insecurity comes from something deeper than what a reassuring comment can fix. insecurity can come from seeing what you lack in the people who have it all, or from looking inside yourself and being disappointed. it tends to build up until we think that unless we do everything exactly so, we've failed.

anyone else feel that way? where someone tells you that you aren't what your insecurity says you are, and you politely nod thanks, but know that deep down they must be wrong?

i've feel like that so often, which has made me realize the importance of real support. of finding people who want to help you work through your insecurities. when i told david i was insecure about my body, he told me i was beautiful and then got me excited to go to they gym with him tomorrow.

i think we still need the reassurance, because it's always good to hear. i mean, imagine if you said "wow, i really don't like ______ about myself," and someone agreed. we need that assurance, but we also need tangible support to get the help we need. we need encouragement and we need someone who wants to see us succeed.

we need this supportive community. imagine how cool it would be if we all helped each other out when we were struggling. of course, we can't dump all our insecurities on everyone, because we also need to be able to support ourselves to some degree, but try to be the friend who cares enough to truly help a person who's struggling. take a step further than the compliment and the hug, and do something that makes a difference, and watch it come back to you when you need someone. 

we are made for people. we are made for community and love and sharing and supporting. don't neglect the importance of being there for someone, or for having someone to support you. 

people need people. people support people. people love people.