hello beautiful!! these past few weeks i've really been diving into figuring out what the intentions behind my actions and choices are and its been something that's really weighed down my heart.
i struggle heavily with my image. i'm more concerned than i'd like to be about how people perceive me and how i look on the internet. i'm too worried about what my instagram looks like and sometimes i wonder if people get a false image of me because of how i act or what i post. i know our online images are just our highlight reels, and knowing that has helped prevent me from comparing myself to others (at least a little bit), but i'm beginning to compare myself to the version of me that exists on my instagram.
i see what i post and i find myself comparing myself to the version of anna that i show the world. i beat myself up when i'm not as loving or consistent in my faith or motivating as i say that i am when i post something.
i hate that because i believe in authenticity and being raw and vulnerable and accepting and real, and i believe that i can see that in myself when i am honest about the intentions of whatever it is that i am doing.
lately my intention has been to develop my image to the world around me. that isn't necessarily a bad thing, but i'm not focusing on it for the right reasons. i'm focusing on it because i want to build my online platforms for the sole purpose of looking nice and creating pretty content, rather than building it for my current purpose, which i believe is helping people through what i do on the internet.
instead of building my image in hopes that it attracts people to the messages i type in instagram captions or on my blog, i've used it for the personal gain of feeling good about how i portray myself which is ironic because i actually feel pretty crappy about who i am when i realize how surface-level and shallow those intentions are.
like i said, the things i'm posting aren't "wrong," but they aren't right either because of the reasons i'm doing them.
my goal for this next bit of time is to be intentional and authentic about my actions. right now that looks like a social media cleanse and a better investment with the time i spend with the people i love and working on controlling my reactions when i'm upset and cultivating my heart's image of myself instead of the world's.
usually i'm scared to post about my faith on my blog because it can be a sensitive topic and it's not something everyone wants to hear, but i knew i wanted to write a blog post tonight, and i couldn't think about what to write about for the life of me. i decided to pray for something i could share before diving into my bible, and it lead me to write this post. a few bible verses spoke to me, and i'd like to leave them for anyone who wants to hear them or is struggling with something similar. they were a wakeup call for me, so they might do the trick for someone else as well:
Blind fools! Which is more important—the gold or the Temple that makes the gold sacred?
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.
In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.
these verses can be pretty convicting, but its exactly what i needed. it's the spiritual equivalent of having freezing cold water splashed on your face to wake you up, which is pretty necessary for me.
having a purposeful and meaningful intention is crucial to feeling good about who and where you are, and i hope that i can continue to explore that as i move forward from realizing that this is something i need work on. in the meantime, i'm remembering how important it is to use this as a platform to share my ideas on topics people want input on, so i'm leaving this form down here for anyone who would like to request a post or maybe just have a nice life chat or something. let me know what you need, and i'll do my best to do something that can help. i love you guys and i'm thankful that i have such a wonderful opportunity to share my heart on here and i hope to always keep my intentions pure and purposeful. let me know what you guys want to read about or leave any suggestions or anything you wanna talk about below! so much love for each and every one of you :)