Cliques really suck. There are tons of them at every single school, and they’re the worst. Cliques are those groups of girls (or guys) who exclude everyone and make it feel impossible to find friends. They can be really difficult to deal with, especially when you’re transitioning from middle school to high school, because friend groups are changing and all you really want is to find someone you can sit with on the first day of school. I went from a private middle school to a public school, and only one other person from my middle school went to high school with me. Thankfully, my transition wasn’t too difficult, but I know a ton of people that struggle with dealing with cliques. Today I want to talk to you guys about how to deal with cliques.
Problems with cliques usually come in three situations— you want to be in the clique, you don’t like that your friends are cliquey, or you’re tired of watching people in cliques think they’re better than everyone else. Thankfully, I have ways to deal with each of these situations, so lets get into it!!!
So you’re the girl who wants to be in that one group that doesn’t let anyone in. We’ve all been there, and it really sucks. It sucks when you know you’re an amazing person (because we all are), yet people still don’t want to be friends with you. My advice for this situation is to just not get too worked up about it. Although this one friend group may seem so important to get into at the moment, I promise there are much better friends waiting for you. It’s a natural human tendency to want to be a part of a group, but instead of focusing on this exclusive group of people, focus on finding people who are invested in friendships for reasons bigger than popularity. If you think about it, those are the kinds of relationships you want to have with people anyways— the kinds of people who are willing to offer you support at any time of day or night, and the ones who are accepting of strangers just as they are to their closest friends. The people that want to be friends with are the ones who reflect the kind of friendship you’d want to receive unto everyone they meet. Hopefully that kind of friendship is a positive, inclusive and uplifting one. So don’t worry about how “cool” your friends are. Just worry about caring and loving for the good people in your life, and don’t let the mean ones affect your friendship with others.
So what about the girl who’s trapped in a cliquey group of friends? This can be tricky. I know people who are in cliquey groups, but are genuinely nice to everyone they meet. Be that person. Just because your friends are mean, doesn’t mean you should be. In fact, that gives you even more of an incentive to be nice to others. Try to show them that it’s better to be nice to people and treat them with kindness. And if that doesn’t work, try to make some new friends. It can be hard, but if you don’t want to deal with people who don’t treat people the way the should be treating them, just go ahead and get out of that unhealthy relationship. I promise there are better people out there for you. And you can still keep your friends, just try to hang out with them individually instead of in their exclusive group.
If you’re over the cliques, my only piece of advice is to just ignore them and make sure you don’t act like them. Many cliques get their power from attention. People pay attention to them which makes them think that everyone wants to be friends with them which leads to the exclusivity. So stop focusing on them and don’t concern yourself with whatever it is that they’re doing. And make sure you don’t act like them. If it bothers you when people exclude others, make your best effort to include everyone. Sit with the new kid at lunch, invite the person who always works alone to work with your group. Reach out to people just as you would want people to do the same for you. Fight the system and be nice!! It’s really simple to do, and hopefully by including everyone we can promote some sort of positive change for the people around us!
I hope this helps people know that an exclusive clique is so not the move. Genuinely kind friends are the kind of friends that you need and deserve, so look out for those people and stick with them. I promise that as you get older everyone starts to get over the exclusivity and everyone just tries to be friends with everyone, so just hang in there for a bit! It gets better.
Thank you so much for reading!! See ya later! <3